


Letters From Tom

by prisonerof221B



Category: Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 17:12:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prisonerof221B/pseuds/prisonerof221B
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bit of fluff for my friend. The character is Tom Hiddleston and I own nothing and am not him. The OC is a wonderful character by my friend, and I do not own her either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters From Tom

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU in which the two of them knew each other in high school. This is a letter Tom is writing to her, and the rest will clear itself up.

My mother used to tell me that the kindest people have the saddest hearts. Now, I didn’t understand this being as little as I was. When I asked my father about it, I got the most attention from him than I had ever believed possible. He stared at me for a long moment, as if trying to figure out who I was, and then said the following, “You will not get through this life alone, but you will also never move forward if you hang onto people.” I was little at the time and he was drunk. I still want to refuse the words, though I know they’re true. But here’s my problem, Rebecca; I am scared of being alone. I like being alone, but I am scared of feeling alone.

Maybe this is selfish of me, but I’m a little bit too drunk to tell. I am scared to lead you into this heartbreak. It’s going to be something unstoppable. An accident, and illness, separation. Something that will pull both of us apart and crush our spirits. I don’t want that too happen. I don’t want to let it. The minute I started falling into this with you, that voice kept coming into my head and telling me I was making a mistake that would leave me half the person I am. It was right. It was right and I knew it that night we stayed in the restaurant I worked in and laughed until closing time. I knew as I walked you walk away from me that you would absolutely ruin me. But the thing is; I didn’t mind.

I watched your downfalls and your highs and I helped you when you needed it. The entire time I just wanted you to be happy. It distracted me from myself and made me feel so much better. I didn't have to think about my dad leaving, I didn't have to think about the divorce or getting kicked out of the motel. I just had to worry about you. That’s all there was. I ignored the knowledge that one day I would have to grow up and possibly lose you until this moment. I pulled out the bottle of shitty vodka I had stashed and I’ve drained the bottle.

I want to be little again. I want to… I don’t even know what I want. Right now I want darkness. A lot of it. And I so badly want this, but I know that the light I will be looking for in the dark will be you, and how long before the darkness around us fades? How long do we have to cling to each other? I’m not even sure.

I know that there will be a time in my life that I will mess up gravely. It’s bound to happen. Look at me, after all. I don’t care how many underpaid, unhappy, stress-ridden teachers tell me that I’m off to good places. Maybe that’s not where I want to go. I’m not even sure where I want to go, quite honestly. Maybe I do want to try acting. Acting itself makes me rid of the thoughts that are here for the ride. I can trick myself into happiness. 

I'm not exactly sure as to what I'm saying. I'm not even sure what I am going to do. Maybe I'm going to leave, just so I won't hurt either of us. It will hurt, but not as bad as it can. I just really don't think I would be able to suffer through any more damage. Maybe the satisfaction of you will be too much for me and you will never end up reading this. Maybe one day you'll see my face on the cover of a movie poster and will try to find me. If so; don't. 

Rebecca Rollins, I know you are in love with me. And the problem is; I'm in love with you too. That's why I have to do this. I do not want to end up hurting you. God forbid I do other stupid things, just don't let me ruin you. Please. I know it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt both of us. But the damage is only as real as you let it be. I will not let this happen to us. 

So if you find this under your door or I hand it to you and walk away, please don't run after me. Do what makes you happy. Make music. Fall in love with things and learn the beauty in mistakes. Rebecca Rollins, you are a hurricane. You have made me into somebody I am proud to be. You came in and made me happy, and you made me learn that I love to make you happy. I love to see you smile. I love to make people happy, and there's too much darkness in the world to add to it.

I can change this as long as I remember not to focus on myself and learn to make people happy. 

Bec, I hope you have a good life. If you ever truly need me I know you know how to reach me. Just think about it long and hard, because you know what I would do in any situation you are to come across. I love you, and I'm afraid to hurt you. Maybe it is selfish, I don't know. I hope you don't think I'm that kind of person.

Be strong. I love you.

Thomas William Hiddleston


End file.
